Cheating on your spouse

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 3:55 am

While I was debating with a friend of mine about cheating on your wife or husband. I said basically that if you look at porn your cheating on your wife. He said na, it's not cheating cause your not actually with anyone. So anyway what ended up happening was we made a bet to see what the general public feels.

So heres my question. What do you guys think?

Is looking at porn cheating?

Post by **GhaleonOne** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 4:09 am

I say yes, but for religious reasons I don't have time to go into.

Post by **Alunissage** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 4:46 am

"Whoever looks on a woman with desire has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

So, yes.

Mog Dragonheart · Post by **Mog Dragonheart** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 4:51 am

oh hell no. your not with another woman, doing stuff that you should do only with yor wife. lookin at porn? that's just you being a perverted mess, waiting for the next time you actually get a chance with your lover.

i'd say the general public looks at porn.. especially married men and the wives dont give a crapp, i kno they kno.

Post by **Alunissage** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:30 am

Um, it being done by a majority doesn't make it right.

And that's quite an assumption, that the wives don't mind...can you back that up?

MiaOne · Post by **MiaOne** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:44 am

I say no merely because of the fact that (whether you want to admit it or not) humans are sexual beings, we're programed to want to reproduce and gratify ourselves in a sexual sense. Looking at porn is gratifying and it may even be considered in some male/females mind as being "naughty" which also curbs their desire to actually physically cheat.

Also, especially with porn the emotional/spirital connection between a male and a female is obcured, it basically doesn't even happen when just merely looking at photographs of naked men or women. Very rarely is there an emotional or spirital attachment to the pixals on your screen or the chemicals and paper in a magazine. I would be more upset if my spouse was having lengthy conversations with another women than I would be if he was looking at porn.

I've basically been through every form of cheating with my last relationship, so I think I know what I'm talking about

Maybe. Well, for me any case...not saying I'm right.

Wolfman_Samurai · Post by **Wolfman_Samurai** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:21 am

I would say no. Both my fiance and I look at members of the opposite sex and make comments like " Look at that ass" or "he's really cute". Usually these comments are followed by me getting slugged in the shoulder or me pinching her bottom. We are both totally devoted to each other but we understand that each of us have carnal urges. It is the ability to ignore these urges that allows use to not feel guilty or wronged. It is also my personal belief that attempting to surpress these urges leads to cheating. I used to by magazines and videos alot. Actually, it got to the point where the guys knew my name . (kinda like Cheers only with porn :roll:

) but I havn't been to any of my old haunts in about 9 months. I still look, but my eyes always come back to meet the eyes of my love. So to some things up ... no.

Post by **Kizyr** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:22 am

Is it cheating? Nah, I don't see how it can be.

But there are a lot of things you can do besides cheating that'd be wrong. Mia's more onto something, though; having an intimate conversation can be far worse by comparison. In any case, the question here isn't whether or not it's wrong, but whether or not it can be considered unfaithful. KF

Katze · Post by **Katze** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:15 am

I say no, for basically the same reasons as MiaOne. That's just my opinion, though.

Coley Lou · Post by **Coley Lou** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 3:18 pm

I'm gonna say no because I like porn. And my partner likes porn, and we watch it together, so umm.... yeah I don't think it's cheating. Atleast not to me. Besides I'm so talented because of pr0n

Scorpioeyez · Post by **Scorpioeyez** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:40 pm

No, of course it's not.

Post by **Kizyr** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:47 pm

I'm backtracking on my previous answer. Rather than a straight-out "no", I'd have to change it do "sometimes".

The Qur'an teaches us that lustfully looking at another woman (or man) is the same as committing adultery in one's heart--assuming you're married, of course. Pornography would sometimes fall into this category, depending on how you view it. So it doesn't depend on your physical action so much as your intents and purposes. KF

ilovemyguitar · Post by **ilovemyguitar** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:26 pm

I've got to say that it isn't cheating. The chief argument for porn being equated to cheating seems to be that lusting after someone is the same as actually having sex with them, and I have to say that that's just not true. Just like hating someone and wishing they would die is not the same as actually killing them.

Post by **Kizyr** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:31 pm

There're plenty of things you can do short of sex that could fall under cheating. Sex isn't the only way to cheat; unless, well, your entire relationship is based on sex and nothing else. KF

Coley Lou · Post by **Coley Lou** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:32 am

I have to agree with Kizzie. Some would say my cyber/phone sex with Eric while I was still dating Don was not cheating, because I broke up with Don before I ever did anything with Eric in person. But I still think it was totaly cheating. And even if we hadn't been doing that, the fact that I was entertaining the fact of going after Eric without immediately breaking up with Don is almost cheating.

In a case like that, you can't help but cause some sort of hrmm.. unfaithfulness if you are simply wanting someone else to the point that you no longer want the person you are with. But if that's the case, it's best to end your current relationship as soon as possible. But I do have to admit there's a long long unfortunate story behind those relationships which was simply more then cheating. But I don't really want to get into that.

Post by **Alunissage** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:04 am

Kizyr wrote:The Qur'an teaches us that lustfully looking at another woman (or man) is the same as committing adultery in one's heart--assuming you're married, of course. Pornography would sometimes fall into this category, depending on how you view it. So it doesn't depend on your physical action so much as your intents and purposes. KF

Yes, I was quoting the same sentiment from the New Testament (just didn't have a Bible handy to get the exact cite), if it wasn't clear before. I think I see what you're saying, though I don't know that I agree; I find the very existence of pornography as so repellent that viewing it would be an instant relationship-ender for me.

And as you commented in your later post, unfaithfulness doesn't necessarily mean sex. Some people probably wouldn't consider kissing someone else to be cheating, but I know my fiance does. Forming a romantic relationship with someone else would be too, even if it was nonphysical. These are not mutually exclusive; saying that that's worse than viewing porn doesn't mean that porn is OK.

Regarding the idea that we're programmed to want sexual gratification, I don't see this as justification for a lack of self-control. We're programmed to like the taste of sugar, too, but that doesn't mean that it's good to rot your teeth away entirely. A related example, we're programmed to enjoy eating, and yet obesity is not considered a good thing...even though it's on the rise. Those aren't really moral issues, but the point isthat just because something is harmless or even beneficial in the correct dosage doesn't mean it's right or good to overindulge.

MiaOne · Post by **MiaOne** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 6:17 am

I think it all really does depend on the individual in this case. Some peoples relationships thrive off their openness and willingness to be completely free-spoken in saying that other human beings might be attractive to them or in the case of porn...viewing it. Other relationships, that kind of behavior would only destroy it.

I know I said before that I don't consider porn cheating. But, I know that personally the person I am looking to be with for the rest of my life...the two of us will be so emotionally and spiritually connected that the issue of porn...simply isn't one. It's kind of a hopeless view on it, but I'm not going to go up and leave my spouse for looking at a little porn. It does depend on sevarity though...and how much it's viewed.

As to phone/cyber sex...that is definitely cheating it
my eyes. It requires two people interacting intimately with one another. With porn...that interaction does not exist.

Post by **Kizyr** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 6:40 am

MiaOne wrote:But, I know that personally the person I am looking to be with for the rest of my life...the two of us will be so emotionally and spiritually connected that the issue of porn...simply isn't one. It's kind of a hopeless view on it, but I'm not going to go up and leave my spouse for looking at a little porn. It does depend on sevarity though...and how much it's viewed.

If someone's with you, why the hell would they want to look at porn? KF

Coley Lou · Post by **Coley Lou** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:03 pm

Some of us use it as an educational tool. That and it can be used as something enjoyable to be shared together.

As for the just cause it's normal or we want it makes it right. Depends on your own personal morals. I see nothing wrong with porn. So I don't really see the problem. If you think porn is amoral then of course you're going to be up in arms about it.

Just agree to disagree.

MiaOne · Post by **MiaOne** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 5:32 pm

Kizyr wrote:If someone's with you, why the hell would they want to look at porn? KF

Didn't anyone ever tell you? I'm a troll in disguise! Mwhahahaaaa...I will eat you all.

Now, how about THAT for randomness?

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