Any girls that have dated...i need to talk to someone

[Kizyr]

My "serious internet" remark was because of how much she reacted to what i said. That was the most formal overreaction i've ever witnessed. People need to stop caring about how they're perceived by the people that don't know them very well or at all.

Good point. Your measure of overreaction tends to be based on the length of a post, not actual content. So I'll keep it quick.

You're being a jackass.

Was that too much of an overreaction? KF

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

My "serious internet" remark was because of how much she reacted to what i said. That was the most formal overreaction i've ever witnessed. People need to stop caring about how they're perceived by the people that don't know them very well or at all.

Good point. Your measure of overreaction tends to be based on the length of a post, not actual content. So I'll keep it quick.

You're being a jackass.

Was that too much of an overreaction? KF

And your judging me for the sake of a small ego boost. Feel clever? Do you insist on starting a "pissing contest"?

[meg]

My "serious internet" remark was because of how much she reacted to what i said. That was the most formal overreaction i've ever witnessed. People need to stop caring about how they're perceived by the people that don't know them very well or at all.

uhh. actually, i don't give a flying rip about what you think. all that stuff was for other girls that might be reading, who might judge themselves by the things you say.

the founder of the thread sounds very young and impressionable. and i remember how i was, when i was younger. i looked up to guys who had strong opinions and sounded marginally intelligent. they came off as "adult," which i confused with possessing strength and wisdom, and i wanted those traits for myself.

considering that the whole of the thread is for advice for a young confused and hurting girl, it's interesting that you think any of what i said was actually for your benefit. they were responses to you, yes. but i took your misunderstandings--and i'm speaking so formally in an attempt to cut down on misunderstandings, by using words with narrow meanings, instead of vague slang--as reason to try and re-explain myself. because if you didn't get it, then there's good chance that neither would she.

but i'm thinking i misjudged your reaction. not so much "misunderstanding" as . . . i'm not really sure what.

you're not the first guy i've sen use "benevolent" self referentially though, and the others have all been asses too.

which is too bad, because i really liked that word.

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

The overreaction in my direction, i feel, was denoted with the line "i know, that's shockingly indecent. how dare i leave the house in less than full hijab?". People usually don't get sarcastic like that without feeling bothered to some degree. Not to mention that my misunderstanding of your intentions lead to your assumption that i simply have black and white perception.

I've already said my reasoning for reacting the way i did had to do with the possibility of her misjudging your meaning, but you've already clarified that anyway.

The purpose of the name is irony, though. Think about it. I've called myself benevolent. How many truly benevolent people do you know that ANNOUNCE it? Tiz arrogance. Now i KNOW i'm not alone here when it comes to that particular "quality". I'm working on it, though! I understand that i'm not truly above anyone..but my behaviors and attitudes are dissonant with that.

[meg]

ah. i was actually trying to make a joke with that line, you kow, lighten things. not be sarcastic.

i'm not typically sarcastic in these kinds of threads. sarcasm tends to be self defeating in discussions. you know, pisses people off, makes people overreact . . .

. . . you know, like everyone just diiiid . . .

which wasn't my intention, so i apologize for the poor joke.

[Kizyr]

And your judging me for the sake of a small ego boost. Feel clever? Do you insist on starting a "pissing contest"?

Huh? You're not making any sense any more.

Whenever you post on any serious topic, you come off extremely condescending. If someone makes a long post after you, you criticize them for overreacting. If someone disagrees with you (hell even if they put it politely), you say they're taking your opinion too seriously. Your gauge of how other people perceive you is way off, and you still run with the off-base assessments you make of other folks. (That assessment, by the way, usually ends up at the mistaken conclusion that people are overly concerned with what you think. You're confusing irritation at your tone with concern for your opinion.)

Saying you're a jackass is pretty much the only way I can convey my response to what you were saying in as clear-cut and unambiguous a manner as possible.

Look, if you can't contribute to serious topics, don't post on them. You give some decent input in other non-serious threads, but it's not worth the ridiculous condescension you give in others. KF

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

Some of my behaviors that you point out, like me saying someone is overreacting or me saying my opinion is being taken too seriously, are things i know on a very conscious level.

I do agree with the part about me coming to the false conclusion that others are too concerned with my opinion. I can certainly understand irritation at my tone, but wouldn't it be more sensible to ignore my tone if i seem like i'm trying to condescend or frustrate intentionally? People are very quick to make sure they don't adopt the belief that they hold more control over their emotions than they think they do.

Seriously. Give it a few serious attempts. Tell yourself that you won't get bothered and that you can let go of anything that you highten your sense of self-value by viewing as "petty". Life becomes much better afterwards.

^sounds condescending, doesn't it? That isn't really the idea. My intentions are misunderstood here. You may see the quotations around petty as an attempt to condescend but it is simply that i disagree with that word and the way it is used. I believe that it is a word used my people to raise their self-image by considering something else to be below them in some way. Since i've been rude in other instances at this forum, you're primed to think of my intentions as negative. It makes sense but doesn't always lead to the truth.

[Kizyr]

I can certainly understand irritation at my tone, but wouldn't it be more sensible to ignore my tone if i seem like i'm trying to condescend or frustrate intentionally? People are very quick to make sure they don't adopt the belief that they hold more control over their emotions than they think they do.

Seriously. Give it a few serious attempts. Tell yourself that you won't get bothered and that you can let go of anything that you highten your sense of self-value by viewing as "petty". Life becomes much better afterwards.

You're still not making any sense (that boldfaced bit in particular, given the current context). The chief reason is because you're still running on the assumption that I'm bothered by what your opinion is, or what your tone is. That might be because you're confusing the fact that I'm responding to your tone, with the idea that it somehow affects me on a personal level.

Let me make this clear. Your tone will affect what your words mean. When you choose words that you know make you sound condescending, your words will be negative. When people interpret them negatively, you're not in a position to complain (you can try, but you'll continue to make no sense). So don't be surprised that they respond to them as negative words.

When you start acting condescendingly, and insultingly, towards other members on this forum (particularly ones who are longstanding and contribute a lot here), then it concerns me. My goal is to see to it that folks feel comfortable coming here and talking about whatever they want; someone who can't abide by a certain level of decency and respect messes that up.

Don't try that displacement crap to blame others for being irritated at what you're saying. You, very obviously, attempt to provoke others. No one likes that, and if you're called on it you attempt that displacement crap again to place the blame everywhere but on yourself. You know full well what you're saying, and if you're unable to maintain some sense of courtesy, then don't bother posting. It's rather simple. KF

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

I found everything agreeable excepting the whole part about "displacement crap". You said i attempt to provoke others. In many instances (not all), that's true because i enjoy a good argument now and then. The key word is ATTEMPT, though. Attempting is all that i'm capable of. I can't force it because true control is nonexistant. I believe that means that i can't hold the entirety of the responsibility for the nature of the response. Nobody wants to accept that. People won't change themselves for the better..they seem to simply want to take action against the other person.

Here's an example. Someone goes into a chat room spouting off insults and obscenities. Everyone is capable of not responding or using the ignore function. Nobody is will to. Everybody insists that they go for a kick or a ban. Why? I think it has a lot to do with a sense of power and superiority.

[meg]

if it's about power, it's not about ours.

the kick or ban is for the peace of everyone else. the one spouting insults is clearly there to provoke. why should anyone have to tolerate a blatant annoyance? that person has no interest in making friends or discussion. they have no purpose there except to disrupt, therefore, they don't belong there.

the example is a very poor justification of your own behavior.

besides, why should everyone but you strive to behave well? the arguments you're making about others are also true of you.

you mentioned previously that you are trying to change certain behaviors of yours. that in mind, i hope you'll take this criticism constructively: just because others may let you get under their skin, doesn't mean you should try to do so. if you like to argue, find someone that likes to argue too.

or save it for more appropriate threads.

or better yet, you would really love fark.com.

[Alunissage]

I can certainly understand irritation at my tone, but wouldn't it be more sensible to ignore my tone if i seem like i'm trying to condescend or frustrate intentionally? People are very quick to make sure they don't adopt the belief that they hold more control over their emotions than they think they do.
...
Since i've been rude in other instances at this forum, you're primed to think of my intentions as negative. It makes sense but doesn't always lead to the truth.

"Wouldn't it be more sensible for everyone else here to change their views of what constitutes meaningful communication of the speaker's intentions by ignoring tone than for me to make the minimal effort to communicate what I actually intend inoffensively? Just because I'm rude doesn't mean I'm negative."

It's not your job to impose your ideas on the rest of us, to "train" us in the ways you feel we should respond. We're here to socialize, not to fend off someone's attempts to provoke. There's a reason trolling is against the rules of most messageboards.

You're very quick to decide what the motivations of other people are, on very little evidence. Kizyr calls you a jackass for an ego boost. Meg wears a short skirt because she lacks self-respect. The woman in the PSP ad took the job because she doesn't mind being degraded. People kick/ban troublemakers in chatrooms as a power trip. People use the word "petty", or refer to maturity, etc, as a way to condescend. Do you know all these people whose thoughts and feelings and motivations you claim to have instantly discerned? Or are you seeing a snapshot and deciding what negative things that must connote? Perhaps to elevate yourself above those mentioned (because after all, you claim to be working to improve yourself, unlike those nameless people who just get rid of troublemakers and clearly "won't change themselves for the better") or justify dismissing them as invalid.

See? I just ascribed similar motives to you, based on rather more examples than you've used to make your judgments. Reasonable?

[Kizyr]

I found everything agreeable excepting the whole part about "displacement crap". You said i attempt to provoke others. In many instances (not all), that's true because i enjoy a good argument now and then. The key word is ATTEMPT, though. Attempting is all that i'm capable of. I can't force it because true control is nonexistant. I believe that means that i can't hold the entirety of the responsibility for the nature of the response. Nobody wants to accept that. People won't change themselves for the better..they seem to simply want to take action against the other person.

Thank you. That is exactly what I meant by displacement crap. You admit to provoking people by saying offensive things, but you place the blame on all of us instead of yourself, even though you're the one who was trying to be offensive in the first place. There's nothing to argue against here, since you're pretty much proving what I said.

I highlighted that you were attempting to provoke people, as opposed to unintentionally doing so. You indicate here that you agree with that assessment.

Here's an example. Someone goes into a chat room spouting off insults and obscenities. Everyone is capable of not responding or using the ignore function. Nobody is will to. Everybody insists that they go for a kick or a ban. Why? I think it has a lot to do with a sense of power and superiority.

I'm sure everyone I've banned thinks that I did so out of a power-trip. None of them want to admit that it's because they posted pornographic material, made racist comments, or harassed other members of the board; they all want to think it's just because I banned them out of some ego boost. It's easy because, again, it places the fault on me instead of them.

I really don't care what they think. You're trying to come up with a justification for trolling here. While you're not there yet, if you choose to be disruptive, and if enough people start getting upset, I'll ban you. I really don't care if you think it's a power-trip. 'Cause believe me, I've heard far worse from other folks that've been banned in the past.

In the end, you really should take Alun's advice. She's articulated your issue the clearest thus far. These forums aren't here for your purposes, they're here so that all of us can enjoy. Naively thinking that you're doing us a favor by poking and prodding at people until they get upset is rather arrogant; give it a rest already. KF

[GhaleonOne]

I'm sure everyone I've banned thinks that I did so out of a power-trip. None of them want to admit that it's because they posted pornographic material, made racist comments, or harassed other members of the board; they all want to think it's just because I banned them out of some ego boost. It's easy because, again, it places the fault on me instead of them.

You know, not including spambots (who aren't real anyways), the banlist for this board is surprisingly low for such a ruthless dictator.

It's just, the few that have been banned have been EXTREMELY vocal about it, to the point of making you wonder if some of them had mental instabilities of some sort.

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

if it's about power, it's not about ours.

1 the kick or ban is for the peace of everyone else. the one spouting insults is clearly there to provoke. why should anyone have to tolerate a blatant annoyance? that person has no interest in making friends or discussion. they have no purpose there except to disrupt, therefore, they don't belong there.

the example is a very poor justification of your own behavior.

2 besides, why should everyone but you strive to behave well? the arguments you're making about others are also true of you.

you mentioned previously that you are trying to change certain behaviors of yours. that in mind, i hope you'll take this criticism constructively: 3 just because others may let you get under their skin, doesn't mean you should try to do so. if you like to argue, find someone that likes to argue too.

or save it for more appropriate threads.

or better yet, you would really love fark.com.

This has gotten HUGE over me just trying to get it understood that offense (the giving and the taking) is a two way street. I'm not trying to get that understood for the sake of making it okay for me to try to bother people. I simply am looking for others to see it. You seem to be the one to understand it best.

1. They don't have to. They can click the ignore button. For a place like a message board, their option would be to see the name of the person and read the following posts instead of that persons. What i'm getting at is that for some reason people CAN'T be satisfied with ignoring someone. They're only willing to choose behaviors that'll come across to the other person as retaliatory. I'm thinking the reasoning, aside from perceived superiority, is that it is an easier course of action. Make it to where it is a lot harder to bother me? no, that'd take far too much effort.

2. By "behave well" do you mean act nicely or do you mean do all of the things i've been talking about?

3. I agree. I apologize for any intentional irritations. I enjoy seeing your usage of "let you", though. :



I'm trying to keep it somewhat short. If i didn't reply to you and you insist that i get certain things answered..ask me again, i suppose.

EDIT: the following is a joke entirely. I can't bring myself to pass up this opportunity.

Do you know what you are? You're a bunch of f***ing cockroaches! You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f***ing fingers and say "that's the bad guy!"! So say goodnight to the bad guy!

[meg]

right, i get it. you just aren't wording it so it's easy to catch though, as your emphasis has been on other people, rather than on yourself. yourself being the point of contention, it makes it seem like you're trying to shift blame.

and superiority really isn't a factor. people have tempers. it feels good to lash out and release your irritation. eye for an eye and all that. that also lets the other person know "hey, you're pissing me off and you should stop it." being that most people don't try to piss others off, they assume that others similarly aren't trying to start a fight, and will stop if they realize that's what they're doing. we tend to see ourselves in other people.

which may be why you keep assuming others have a superiority complex, or that they care what you think. you've already admitted to behaviors that are indicative of a sense of superiority.

but most people honestly aren't like that.

also, yes, i used "let you." that was intentional, as i agree with you on our ability to control our own emotions.

however, that ability depends largely on a sense of self-awareness that many don't possess. you have to be aware of a choice before you can choose it (and not just in an intellectual sense. i am aware of the existence of pluto, for example, but the reality of pluto is as far out of my ability to comprehend as the existence of god or other such things), and then you have to have the strength to keep choosing it. it can be, as i'm sure you're aware, very very hard.

so, go easy on people.

edit/addition: what's that quote from?

[Dying_Soul93]

ALSO, has anyone else noticed that the first post in this thread is her LAST post? Are we even giving advice and opinions to someone that is still alive?

Looks like her xanga account she has linked in her profile shows she updated it Saturday after final exams, so she's probably just busy (which is actually a good remedy for the blues), but it would be good to get a confirmation on that. DyingSoul, you out there?

yeah, i'm here,

[wildthehero]

Nice to hear from you again Dying_soul. All well?

[Benevolent_Ghaleon]

right, i get it. you just aren't wording it so it's easy to catch though, as your emphasis has been on other people, rather than on yourself. yourself being the point of contention, it makes it seem like you're trying to shift blame.

and superiority really isn't a factor. people have tempers. it feels good to lash out and release your irritation. eye for an eye and all that. that also lets the other person know "hey, you're pissing me off and you should stop it." being that most people don't try to piss others off, they assume that others similarly aren't trying to start a fight, and will stop if they realize that's what they're doing. we tend to see ourselves in other people.

which may be why you keep assuming others have a superiority complex, or that they care what you think. you've already admitted to behaviors that are indicative of a sense of superiority.

but most people honestly aren't like that.

also, yes, i used "let you." that was intentional, as i agree with you on our ability to control our own emotions.

however, that ability depends largely on a sense of self-awareness that many don't possess. you have to be aware of a choice before you can choose it (and not just in an intellectual sense. i am aware of the existence of pluto, for example, but the reality of pluto is as far out of my ability to comprehend as the existence of god or other such things), and then you have to have the strength to keep choosing it. it can be, as i'm sure you're aware, very very hard.

so, go easy on people.

edit/addition: what's that quote from?

<3 you're awesome.

I thought about it and decided that EVERYONE has a superiority complex on at least a subconscious level due to the desire to be right and our competitive nature.

The quote is from Scarface with Al Pacino.

Nice to hear from you again Dying_soul. All well?

Her location no longer says burning in hell.

[Dying_Soul93]

Nice to hear from you again Dying_soul. All well?

Her location no longer says burning in hell.

'Tis true, and yes, I'm doing better, CUZ I GOTS A NEW FANDOM!!! I am now...A NEJI HYUUGA FANGIRL!!! (Be afraid XD )


This is Neji, Keep this in mind, HE IS MYNE! <3

[serphnx]

BDW's initial point wasn't bad, it's just he went about saying it the wrong way.

I have thoughts in a similar vein to him, if you try to fix the problem of self confidence by continuing to rely on the perceptions of others, you really don't solve that problem. The problem is within you for needing the acceptance of others. The best solution is to get that confidence in yourself so that you don't even think about it. Instead just realize things don't always work out, and that's that.

I don't believe female looks even really matter to most guys, if that were true only super models would be dating, when instead it seems most girls have absolutely no problems with getting a bf (and without any work on their own part, regardless of looks). If you just go outside and do some sort of activity, someone will come along that shares your interests and more than likely will hit on you.

Actually, as a guy, I can safely say is that all we care about is the girl being nice to us, wanting to actually do things for us. Sure we don't want the girl to be a hideous beast, but that's not too hard, most girls look perfectly okay.